Minnie Mouse: the queen mum of cartoon rodents
The polka dots and bow have gone, as Disney grand dame is given a welcome mature makeover and run at the limelight
Fashion can take a hard line on ageing. As women inch into
middle and then old age, all sorts of unexpected diktats emerge: hair
length, skirt length and the depth of your neckline are all subject to
the obscure rules of style. So hitting an elegantly matronly patch at 85
is probably to be expected – although it's still a surprise to see Minnie Mouse in the hands of designer Alber Elbaz
for Lanvin, marking the 20th anniversary of Disneyland Paris in a
knee-length navy 
frock with padded shoulders and weighty embroidery. Is
there an expiration date on polka dots too? Is my progress to the grave
going to be marked by the gradual sapping of pattern from my wardrobe,
until tartan and paisley are my only defence against death? Misery.
With partner Mickey in younger days. Photograph: Ho/Reuters
Instead of her bow, she wears a red crown, firmly establishing this
look as "queen mum of cartoon rodents". That sounds about right,
actually: with her boyfriend Mickey, Minnie has achieved a dignified
position in the Disney constitution, a representative of its respected
history without the wearing daily duty of appearing in cartoons. The
disconcerting thing is that, apart from the outfit, Minnie doesn't look
her age at all. She has the smooth, plastinated look so sadly common to
female celebrities whose ferocious resistance to time can't make them
look young, but can make them eerily immobile and unreal. Poor Minnie.
After all the hours you've spent tolerating precocious preteens at the
Club House, you were entitled to your crinkles and creases.
Still, I like her better like this than I did the last time she went out in Lanvin. For its holiday window display last year, Barneys department store in America reinvented Minnie and other august Disney characters in the guise of catwalk models – sinuous hyper-extended limbs and shaved-down hips, dressed in stilettos and a cloud of pink frill. The outfit-critiquing website Go Fug Yourself refers to a "scroll-down fug", when an apparently pleasing get-up is sabotaged by an explosively hideous pair of shoes or unwise application of leggings-as-trousers, but the Barneys' Minnie was something far more upsetting: scroll-up bestiality. Start at the bottom, and it's sexy, sexy, JESUS CHRIST I'VE BEEN OBJECTIFYING A MOUSE. Happy Christmas, pervert.
And anyway, it's nice to see Disney giving Minnie a run at the limelight after years of tyrannical rule by various princesses. It's not just the lady mouse, either: the videogame Epic Mickey, released at the end of 2012, shows that the company is willing to experiment with its heritage rather than keep its original characters as lifeless emblems. With her distinctive silhouette, you can imagine Minnie as a rival to Hello Kitty – the Japanese cat who's as promiscuous in her branding as real cats are in their pissing. Plus Minnie has the bonus of possessing a mouth, making lipgloss tie-ins less disturbingly incongruous. A mature Minnie is OK with me. Just as long as someone tells her that American footballer shoulders aren't de rigeur for pensioners.
frock with padded shoulders and weighty embroidery. Is
there an expiration date on polka dots too? Is my progress to the grave
going to be marked by the gradual sapping of pattern from my wardrobe,
until tartan and paisley are my only defence against death? Misery.
With partner Mickey in younger days. Photograph: Ho/Reuters
Instead of her bow, she wears a red crown, firmly establishing this
look as "queen mum of cartoon rodents". That sounds about right,
actually: with her boyfriend Mickey, Minnie has achieved a dignified
position in the Disney constitution, a representative of its respected
history without the wearing daily duty of appearing in cartoons. The
disconcerting thing is that, apart from the outfit, Minnie doesn't look
her age at all. She has the smooth, plastinated look so sadly common to
female celebrities whose ferocious resistance to time can't make them
look young, but can make them eerily immobile and unreal. Poor Minnie.
After all the hours you've spent tolerating precocious preteens at the
Club House, you were entitled to your crinkles and creases.Still, I like her better like this than I did the last time she went out in Lanvin. For its holiday window display last year, Barneys department store in America reinvented Minnie and other august Disney characters in the guise of catwalk models – sinuous hyper-extended limbs and shaved-down hips, dressed in stilettos and a cloud of pink frill. The outfit-critiquing website Go Fug Yourself refers to a "scroll-down fug", when an apparently pleasing get-up is sabotaged by an explosively hideous pair of shoes or unwise application of leggings-as-trousers, but the Barneys' Minnie was something far more upsetting: scroll-up bestiality. Start at the bottom, and it's sexy, sexy, JESUS CHRIST I'VE BEEN OBJECTIFYING A MOUSE. Happy Christmas, pervert.
And anyway, it's nice to see Disney giving Minnie a run at the limelight after years of tyrannical rule by various princesses. It's not just the lady mouse, either: the videogame Epic Mickey, released at the end of 2012, shows that the company is willing to experiment with its heritage rather than keep its original characters as lifeless emblems. With her distinctive silhouette, you can imagine Minnie as a rival to Hello Kitty – the Japanese cat who's as promiscuous in her branding as real cats are in their pissing. Plus Minnie has the bonus of possessing a mouth, making lipgloss tie-ins less disturbingly incongruous. A mature Minnie is OK with me. Just as long as someone tells her that American footballer shoulders aren't de rigeur for pensioners.
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